Berry

Decline #1 - Check Results 28 October 2013

DESCRIPTION: Overall - Undefined markings. You use the word Swirled, which can mean a ton of things. Please spend more time describing the placement of white and color on the cat.

PERSONALITY

• which is good because you need to hunt to live in the forest. - I would just like to point out that there is little forest on the Forest Map that isn't claimed by a group already. And there is only a small patch outside of ShadowClan territory that's close to Camelot (and you've said you want him to join the CoC in PMs to me). I should also mention PSA 19, which is really easy to miss, just in case you didn't know exactly what the various ranks mean.

HISTORY

• born on the 8th day of the moon of first green 2008 - This is a point of common confusion that comes from the fact that the site is oriented towards the clan cat, so the character sheets use date indications that are not used by non-clan cats. You may wish to use the weather report pages to find out what the human date equivilent for his was, just to make the flavor of the profile less clanish.
• He was limited to the milk of his dame living in the forest until he was 4 moons old and he always wanted more stuff like real prey - Cats wean at 7-10 weeks. His mother is unlikly to have continued nursing him that long. Particularaly given that he was clearly ready for meat.
• When he was 4 moons old he started to learn how to hunt - As soon as he was walking his mother would have started to teach him to hunt. They were living feral in the woods and not in a clan. She would have wanted him to contribute as soon as he was mobile enough to start trying.
• One time he wandered into clan territory, and they chased him out with a warning. - Please specify which group, and discuss when it happened with the Moderator for that group. Thank you.
• he heard about the cats of Camelot and how easily they lived - I'm not sure he would have heard that they "live easily". They're domestics, mostly. So there is that… But what he probobly heard what more about Pendragon and his Knights, and the fact that he claims to be sovereign over a specific area ;).

As always, any questions ask away. Perfectly normal for a few rounds in apps to happen, and most everything in this one is nitpicking and world related rather than anything serious. Good job.  Kitsufox  ^{Fox's Den} 10:31, 28 October 2013 (CDT)

Decline #2 - Check Results for 1 November 2013

APPEARANCE

• He has many other markings on his side, but the markings seem to be grey and most of his fur is white. - You'll need to actually describe the markings. You can look up for examples of how to describe them.
• the markings seem to be grey and most of his fur is white. & His tail is striped Grey and white - I'm fearing that you're trying to describe a white cat with gray stripes. This does not exist in cats (white markings cannot have stripes on them, they're patches without pigment. Tabby doesn't effect it. Tabby stripes only appear on colored areas).

PERSONALITY: He enjoys to hunt, which is good. - I didn't catch this first time through. You'll want to reword the "which is good" part to not force the opinion on other players in a powerplay. Thank you.

HISTORY

• On the 6th of October 2008 - This isn't a demand for change, so you can decide how you want to handle it. But since the moon-date isn't indicated anywhere else on the character sheet, you may want to put it in parenthesis behind this, to make referencing it easier).

It's good progress. and Appearance Descriptions are tricky (partly because we're very picky about them being 100% clear due to us using real genetics). I'll try to turn around the next time more quickly than this one did. A trick for descriptions is to take a photograph and describe it as exactly as you can (though this does sometimes lead to points where I have to ask for tweaks, since we're strict on what certain words mean as far as genetics go).

Any questions, please let me know.  Kitsufox  ^{Fox's Den} 10:03, 1 November 2013 (CDT)

Decline #3 - Check Results for 2 November 2013

You've really gotten the appearance more to where it needs to be, and most of what I'm saying has to do with fine tuning it and clarifying exactly what you mean so that genetics will be easier when they're done.

APPEARANCE

• a mostly grey and white cat, with a very little bit of black. - Due to the way cat genetics work, a cat is either all dilute (gray), or all non-dilute (black). Cameras sometimes capture very dark grays are blacks, or they visually seem black rather than gray. Due to CoSC needing to have a clear indication of the cat's genetics, I have to ask you to use words only related to the status of his dilution. This would mean calling the "black" in this case, "a gray so dark it seems black" (or some similar turn of phrase that you prefer). Thank you.
• His legs are striped gray and white - This still sounds like you're putting gray stripes on white. This does not exist in cats, so I'll have to ask you to clarify. (If you're using a picture, send me a link and we can discuss exactly what's going on and a good way to approach describing it).
• tail is striped grey and black - See above comments about dilution.
• the usual tabby markings an his head (a sort of M at the top and some stripes near the bottom) are black. - See above comments about dilution.

PERSONALITY: He enjoys to hunt, which is good. - [2nd INCLUDE] I didn't catch this first time through. You'll want to reword the "which is good" part to not force the opinion on other players in a powerplay. Thank you.

NOTES: Image link floating about at the bottom of the page - Please move it into the proper parts of the sheet. The links section would be a great place to put the image link, intended for exactly that sot of purpose.

You really are getting there. At this point we're down to nitpick and clarify. It's possible that we might have you in character with Berry following this round of edits! Let me know if you have any questions about any of this.  Kitsufox  ^{Fox's Den} 10:46, 2 November 2013 (CDT)