Brackenberry

Decline #1 - Check Results - 1 February 2015

Greetings and welcome to your first go-round in our applications department! Characters usually go through 2-4 rounds of decline and editing, so do not feel discouraged about the fact that this was declined. CoSC has different rules, and a different approach to Warriors. The Apps process is where new players pick up a ton of these critical details.

In the decline itself I will take the section that I have change requests for and quote it, and then describe the needed changes. (Occasionally, it's just me commenting, but those situations that don't require change will be noted in the text). If you run into any questions, please feel welcome to contact me for clarifications.

DESCRIPTION: Overall - While not under the minimums, it could use some expansion. It's rather, brief. This isn't a demand for change, just some gentle encouragement.

PERSONALITY

• a shy cat - This is a powerplay because you claim an impression without backing it up in such a way that there is no other way to interpret the trait. Please consult this page concerning powerplaying in character sheets for more information.
• She is hardworking  - Because of other things in the personality (such as skulking in shadows) I feel this becomes a powerplay because you require them to interpret her sneaking off to be alone in a positive manner.

HISTORY

• Her mother was Seedpelt (a tan tabby with green eyes) and her father is Grovewhisker (a brown cat with speckles of black and brown eyes) - We use real genetics at CoSC. Because of this, I have to point out problems with the short descriptions of the parents. A Brown tabby (black based) cannot mix with a tan tabby (which I'm reading here to mean a red based dilute, as a chocolate dilute is something you don't currently quality for and is intended to be very rare in the clans) and produce a red female. They could only make a Red based tom, a black based tom or she-cat, or a tortie she-cat. (This has to do with the weird way red cat genetics interact with gender in cats). This can be solved by either making dad red, or mom a black or a tortie.
• She even snuck out of camp on multiple occasions to watch the apprentices train! - If you want to have her have pulled off an un-authorized trip you need to find an actual PC to have been the one responsible for something as serious as being the sentry and failing to catch a green, untrained kitten leaving.
• She and her littermate, Rushfeather, grew very close, and still to today they are best friends. - If Rushfeather is still alive you will be expected to put her up for adoption, as RPing by yourself isn't exactly fun.
• their favorite game to play was mossball - Mossball isn't a part of the CoSC canon. Playing with a ball of moss might be, but we have no game in our in character documents defined as such. In accordance I have to ask you to alter it until such a time as it's put together and accepted as part of a "Games Kits Play" document (which has been intended for a long time, actually. So thank you for the kick in the pants!). This is mostly just future proofing in case no official game called "mossball" gets accepted into the CoSC Canon.
• spent most of her apprenticeship going on border patrols and practicing battle skills - This isn't a demand for change, just a point of order. This is 90% of every apprenticeship since warrior apprentices learn mostly hunting and battle (with just a little bit of stuff like the code and field medicine and the like thrown in).
• For a whole entire moon, Brackenberry grieved and wouldn't speak to anyone. Luckily, she had Rushfeather (who got her warrior name at the same time as Brackenberry) and Grovewhisker. They helped her find her voice, and now even though she is still shy, she won't let grief get in the way of becoming a warrior. - The clan would not have fed her for a while moon while she grieved. She would have been expected to be back to work the day following the funteral. Their no mental health care in the clans, and no tolerance for those who do not contribute or do self-centered things like withdraw for a moon. Not speaking to anyone would be very serious. She would not be making reports on her patrols, which would be expected. Rushfeather and Grovewhisker would have likely been forced away from her by others (and by duty) because the rest would be worried that her unnaturally deep grief would draw in and infect the rest like a disease.

It might seem like a lot of points for tweak, but I'm wordy. For a first submission at CoSC it is definitely a good start and just needs a few adjustments to meet our powerplay standards and the differences in the CoSC take on warriors. If you have any questions please let me know.  Kitsufox  ^{Fox's Den} 17:01, 1 February 2015 (CST)

Decline #2 - Check Results - 16 February 2016

DESCRIPTION

• As a kit and young apprentice, her fur used to be fluffy and easily matted - This is more of a historical note and has no bearing on the current appearance of the character.

PERSONALITY

• Overall - This is not a demand for change, just something I tend to mention to newer players. As a new player playing a reclusive character that does not engage willingly with other characters makes it difficult to build relationships as a role player. Withdrawn characters are both not as interesting to player and not as fun to role play against. I suggest building a character with a somewhat more even personality as your first character.

HISTORY

• apprenticed on timeto the tom Vultureclaw in the Moon of Turning Leaves (2008) - He's not a particularly notable character, so I suggest not naming him so that you're not expected to make an NPC character sheet for him. If you'd like, drop me a PM through the forums and we'll find an existing suitable character from the clan if you'd like to name the mentor.
• Rushfeather died just a quarter-moon after the two were made warriors together - The cause of death on such a young cat should be declared. It's pretty notable when a new-made warrior dies.

It's a great start. Let me know if you have any questions. I apologize for the unacceptable lag in my getting this response to you.  Kitsufox  ^{Fox's Den} 17:51, 16 February 2016 (CST)

24 Hour Deletion Warning - 29 February 2016

You have 24 hours in which to do one of the following:

• Resuming working on your character
• File a Leave of Absence (LOA) / Update an existing, expired LOA
• Contact Kitsu requesting use of the "Storage Option" on your character

If you fail to do one of these three items your character will be deleted from our records. While they can be recovered by request this does create an interruption in forward progress.

 Kitsufox  ^{Fox's Den} 16:36, 29 February 2016 (CST)

Approval Concerns

Congratulations! Your character is being approved at this time. I do have a few littler concerns that need to be addressed but were not so serious that they should keep you out of character.

DESCRIPTION: isn't afraid to meet new people - People should be cats.

HISTORY: (like most ShadowClan cats, she didn't know how to swim) - While it might be true in the books, this is not true to CoSC. ShadowClanners live in close proximity to water and swimming is a natural instinct for pretty much every species except humans. I'm not demanding change at this time, just making you aware that as soon as I talk to Nagini who players the SC leader I'll let you know if anything has to be done. Until I let you know what Nagini says, just avoid brining it up in RP. We should know by the end of the day. Nags has always been super prompt and attentive.

If you have any questions, just drop me a line.  Kitsufox  ^{Fox's Den} 07:00, 1 March 2016 (CST)