Crowpaw (Newheart)
From Children of StarClan
| This adoption is closed. EASEMENT: Under easement you will be required to update the description into a half-grown state, and add recent history and update personality to suite the added time alive. |
Offer from Ryast89
- Adoption Status: Accepted
I think Crowkit would be good for me, I had wanted a male riverclan kit nearly ready to be apprenticed, but I got a female riverclan kit. I have a bit of experience RPing, and I don't go over the line. I would like to be able to start a life as a kit, and then go to warrior, or maybe even higher. Kitsu has told me a bit about what I would have to do, and I think I will be able to be in the medicine cat den for a bit healing my whitecough or greencough. I don't want a perfectly good kit do "die," so i think Crowkit would be good for me.
Thanks!
Check Results - 24 September 2013
Greetings and welcome to your first go-round in our applications department! I'm so happy to see that you've come back to your sheet and gotten it submitted. Characters ususally go through 2-4 rounds of decline and editing, so do not feel discouraged about the fact that this was declined. CoSC has diffrent rules, and a diffrent approch to Warriors. The Apps process is where new players pick up a ton of details.
In the decline itself I will take the section that I have change requests for and quote it, and then describe the needed changes. (Occasionally, it's just me commenting, but those situations will be clearly indicated). If you run into any questions, please feel welcome to contact me for clarifications.
PERSONALITY
- As of her birth and first days of life, Crowkit cares little for things other than the smell of her mother and warm milk. She focuses all her energy into growing, getting strong and bonding with her mother and denmates. - This section is very outdated. It's from her first moon of life and now, 6 moons later it simply no longer fits or make sense. She's far more than a blind, deaf, mewing, crawling furball now.
- She now has to move into the medicine cat den, because now she has been diagnosed with greencough - This is history. Not personality.
- all her friends, family and clanmates are hoping she gets better - Powerplay. You are controlling other people's characters. This is not permissible unless you have every player in the clan PM me saying they agree to this statement. Check out the Powerplaying Help Page for some tips and tricks for dealing with powerplays.
- Now she can eat regular fish and food - This isn't personality, either. But it should also be noted that 'can' is the wrong word. She hasn't been nursed since she was 3 moons old!
- a brave and kind cat - Powerplays. You can't claim impressions and force other people's characters to view yours a certain way. You'll need to describe what you feel leads to these impressions and leave interpretation to the readers.
APPEARANCE: Outdated Information - There are many outdated references to extremely young kitten traits that should be removed and replaced with descriptions that are current.
HISTORY
- Missing time - You jump directly from her 1st and 2nd moon, straight to 6 moons old when she's diagnosed with her cough.
- She moved . . . because of greencough. - Because she's been adopted, we can downgrade the Greencough to Whitecough. This way we can get her back into circulation with the clan quicker.
This might seem long, but for a first timer it's not bad at all. We have standards no other game has, and that leads to a learning curve. There's a bit more work to be done, but you're on the right track. Any questions, just let me know. Kitsufox Fox's Den 10:15, 24 September 2013 (CDT)
Approval Notes - 25 September 2013
PERSONALITY
- but may disobey if she KNOWS it is the right thing to do - This is the part of the process where we're going to talk about one of the reasons CoSC is different. This isn't a request for change, just some cautions. Human morals don't play a part. The code and the clan traditions dictate what is "right". Not the way humans think. I also urge you to make sure you're familiar with CoSC's code, which is completely custom. That code arguable gives the leader the authority to do anything ("The Clan shall be led, always in truth" - Though it's a matter of interpretation). Here we play by ICA=ICC (In Character Actions Equal In Character Consequences). If your character disobeys the leader, it means you implicitly agree to the results of what your character has done. This can include many things, from punishments IC, all the way to being sentenced to death. I figured I would warn you now, to avoid confusions later.
- She is somewhat friendly to other clans, but is ultimately loyal to riverclan - Mild powerplay that's rooted in the wording. the "ultimately loyal to" part is what I'm talking about. I know of individuals who would not consider being friendly to other clans being loyal to her clan. Simply changing it to "puts her loyalty to riverclan first" avoids the powerplay altogether.