Darksky/1

Decline #1: Check Results for 23 Feb 2012

Greetings and welcome to your first go-round in our applications department. Please note that most characters end up going thru around 2-4 rounds of decline and editing. Do not feel discouraged by this as it's perfectly ordinary and a part of the process of a new user learning the ropes at CoSC. We have a lot of views that are unlike many games, and a number of rules interpretations that are different than what is typical. In the decline itself I will take the section that I have change requests for and quote it, and then describe the needed changes. (Occasionally, it's just me commenting, but those situations will be clearly marked). If you run into any questions, please feel welcome to contact me for clarifications.

PERSONALITY

• is foul tempered - Powerplay. I suggest taking a look at our Powerplay & How to Avoid It page. We have some of the harshest views on what is and isn't powerplay in a profile anywhere in the online RP communities.
• she is loyal and devoted to her clan - Please clarify if this is what she thinks. If it's not her personal feelings, it's a powerplay.
• has a thirst for battle and enemy blood - This one's just a comment from me. I think you might already have realized this, but she would never have actually seen battle. There have only been a handful of battles IC in the recent history, and those didn't include her. (we're avoiding adding off-camera battles right now).
• proving that she is reckless and impulsive at times. - Powerplay. Certain members of her clan would share this feeling.

APPEARANCE

• a black-striped, dark brown mackarel tabby - Due to the fact that we use real genetics when cats breed, we have to ask for absolute clarity in our descriptions. Genetically, a cat cannot be brown and black at the same time. Please clarify the color of the character (IE: is it the genetically black cat who appears brown, what is commonly a "brown tabby"?) and eliminate any color-words that suggest things the cat isn't.
• Brokensky is a large cat" - Normally a new member would not qualify for this (it's under extremely heavy restriction). I'm going to let it slide, however, as it's quiet here right now and I need to do something to help make sure new members stay ;) Enjoy!
• unusually large paws - Please examine the other TC cats and substantiate this claim. If a paw size isn't mentioned, assume "typical". PM me your results. Or if you don't want to do the footwork, you could always just take out this mention.

HISTORY

• Brokenkit's other littermates died before they were even named, and her own name was meant to show how her father and mother felt. - Here at CoSC a kit's name isn't official until it's announced to the clan by the leader, who has the power to refuse names. Bloodstar would have flat-out refused this hurtful name. It is, however, very typical for cats at CoSC to change their name starters prior to reaching Warriorhood.
• Dawnheart died, refusing to eat althought Brokenkit still depended on her. She entrusted Brokenkit to another queen before she died - By the second day she didn't eat, her dangerous and unhealthy influence would have been removed from the nursery and her kit would have been taken from her. Please consult our Traditions File Surrounding Death, Dying, and Burial. Death is common in our forest. Most litters either have a stillborn in them, or loose a kit before weaning. There would have been no compassion, and no medical attention for a cat so willing to die. She would have been considered a murderer for her refusal to eat (she is, after-all, murdering herself). Brokensky would potentially be subject to doubts about her own mental stability if she showed even half a sign of it.
• The young kit saw this as her fault and isolated herself from her clanmates - As her mother would have been removed from the nursery as soon as it was obvious she was starving herself, she wouldn't have ever met her mother. Dawnheart would have been banned from the nursery before "Brokenskit's" eyes were opened. She probobly would have been raised by Birchfur as the adopted sibling of Sootfur (feel free to write them in here, and we'll edit the various NPCs once she's approved).
• recieving the name of Brokenpaw - In addition to not accepting the name of "brokenkit", he also would have refused "brokenpaw" at this point. He believes cats come to resemble their names. To be broken is to be something undesirable.
• Brokenpaw was a great hunter, and an even better fighter. - A cat cannot be spectacular at both skills. They require different muscles and different modes of thinking. Specializing into one costs the other (IE: a cat with heavy fighting muscles will never be a great hunter. They're be "good" at best because they lack the agility and flexibility of the stellar hunter).
• Brokenpaw had spent 9 moons as an apprentice - Please clarify the exact reasons why.
• Brokenpaw was given the name Brokensky. - See previous comments about Bloodstar not being willing to use the word "broken" in a name.

Remember, if you have any feel free to ask. Also understand that this is a very good start. There's almost always a bit of a learning curve when it comes to powerplay for a person's first try. And since we interpret the Warriors World different, there are always points in the history that need to be resolved against the CoSC take on things (IE: Mothers get away with prettymuch anything they want without oversight in most games).  Kitsufox  ^{Fox's Den} 13:47, 26 February 2012 (CST)

Decline #2: Check Results for 1 March 2012

Welcome back!

PERSONALITY

• Sometimes, she thinks that the only answer is fighting, causing for her to be viewed as reckless and impulsive at times. - [2ND INCLUDE] Powerplay. You're still forcing others to view her willingness to fight in a specific light (as reckless and impulsive).
• Her . . . cold and unforgiving. - Powerplay. Also, beware of absolute statements. With your profile written this way, warmed she feels would never be able to reach her eyes, they would have to be "cold and unforgiving" at all times. It would... Definitely have a dramatic effect on how other cats viewed her in RP.

HISTORY

• Darkkit - This is just a comment, since you may or may not have noticed this. Bloodstar would consider "darkkit" a rather auspicious and strong name, given that it's the same one his mother gave him as a kitten.
• Although Darkkit often blamed herself for her mother's death - Why would she consider it her fault? Her eyes and ears were still completely closed when Dawnheart was removed from the nursery. In fact, given what a shameful and terrible thing that it was most likely completely hidden from her until she was old enough to understand the implications of her mother's actions. Her mother was a murderer and a traitor to her clan in her suicide. Until she was 5+ moons old Birchfur probably didn't even tell her more than "your mother died shortly after you were born". And if the sire had tried to tell her more, Birchfur would have had him out of the nursery (and the queen's have the right to remove cats who are not residents there and have no business there - and a male (even the father) has no inherent right to access kittens he sires) as quickly as possible.
• Darkpaw was unhappily aware of the way her dark tabby fur stood out against the leaf-bare snow - I don't know how I missed this the first time through... The moon of the killingcough was Midsummer... Her entire apprenticeship would have been during Green-leaf and Leaf-fall. Her dark coat would have worked wonderfully in the periods of the year with full foliage.
• Missing Time - Another of those things I should have caught first time through... Your missing a fair bit of time. The game is currently in the Moon of First White (2008), but your history ends at the Moon of Melting Waters. This means that their are 8 moons that just arn't touched in there... That's nearly 3/4s of a year... and given that CoSC cats consider 5 years old really, really old... That's a very long time to mention nothing... ;) You'll at least need to gloss it over and mention it in some way.

FAMILY MEMBERS: Other Family - You'll want to mention her nursermother (adoptive mother) Birchfur and her adoptive sister Sootfur in there. I'll even get a nice pretty family tree set up for them all once she's approved.

Congratulations on making such good progress. Keep up at this rate and we'll have you in character in no time at all!  Kitsufox  ^{Fox's Den} 15:23, 1 March 2012 (CST)

Decline #3: Check Results for 2 March 2012

You're doing great. It won't be long now!

PERSONALITY

• The she-cat has been thought, however, to use her mind before teeth and claws. - powerplay.

HISTORY

• With her warrior name came more responsibilities. - I don't understand where this idea that a new-made warrior gains responsibilities comes from... If you check out the CoSC Mentoring Information you'll find that an apprentice in the advanced stage of training basically functions as a full-warrior in addition to their responsibility to feed the elder's and MCs. When they graduate they are no longer solely responsible for the elders and MC's feeding, /and/ they no longer have training. Being a warrior appears to have less, not more, responsibility laid to the young cats.
• No longer the isolated apprentice Darksky once was, she was now a fierce warrior - Powerplays. You're forcing others to view her as either isolated or fierce. Given that your cat is in the clan with the cat who tried to fight an ATV to protect members of his clan... Well... Fierce isn't a word taken lightly in TC...
• Missing Time - [2nd INCLUDE] You're still not covering the time. Check out the Plots Timeline and the Plot's page for details about recent storylines you might want to consider mentioning in your history.

 Kitsufox  ^{Fox's Den} 14:33, 2 March 2012 (CST)

Decline #4: Check Results for 4 March 2012

HISTORY: Reluctantly, Darksky spent a couple of suns off her warrior duties to fully accept the sudden death of her sire. - The most Darksky would have been given actually off work would be between the discovery of the body and the burial. Once she'd had a chance to sleep, she'd be back on the duty rota. This isn't the western human life, where taking a few days off doesn't mean the difference between living and dying. They wouldn't have been able to give her a "couple of suns off her warrior duty" without endangering the lives of those who it is her duty to feed and protect. Survival is the most important thing in the warrior cat's lives. Not morning the fallen. Given that he was an elder she'd get even less slack cut for her. Elder's die. Failing health or inability to function as a warrior anymore is why they enter the Elder's den. It's where you go to die in peace.

One last thing to do. The history is honestly still a bit abrupt as far as not addressing her time as a warrior between getting the name and now... But you can always fill in a few more details later... I'll keep my eye out for changes to that line today.  Kitsufox  ^{Fox's Den} 09:59, 4 March 2012 (CST)

Approved: 8 March 2012

First thing's first: Apologies for the lag on me getting to this. Life exploded and my time got a little crowded up. Now that your character is approved, you'll need to make the NPCs for the parents (Go to Character Creation, click the "full players" tab, and you'll find the creation forms on that page). You can have both the sire and dame pending at the same time. I will take the time needed to write her adoption into the family tree for Sootfur. If you have any questions at all, let me know. I look forward to seeing you in character.  Kitsufox  ^{Fox's Den} 08:13, 8 March 2012 (CST)