Drusilla

Check Results - 25 November 2010

NAME HISTORY: Format - Please edit your name history to comply with the convention described in the help file linked under the field.

PERSONALITY

• Swiftsparrow is a very cheery she-cat. - Powerplay. You cannot simply claim an impression like this and force every other character in the game to share it. Please describe the traits you feel make her cheery and leave the drawing of conclusions to the characters doing the concluding.
• If danger comes though, she will fight for her clan with all of her might. - This is a pretty standard expectation... It's not exactly a personality trait... At least not enough that I'm willing to let it be a full third of your character sheet's personality.
• She is optimistic - Powerplay.

APPEARANCE

• Swiftsparrow is a brown she-cat with black feet. - CoSC uses real cat genetics and I've never run across a cat that's have black markings on a brown base. In fact... I've also never come across colored markings that appear on the feet (with the exception of Pointed/Mink/Tonkinese, but you're description is missing markings that identify those genes). You'll either need to change the markings or provide me with evidence that the markings exist (You'll need photographs in addition to a link to a genetic resource so that I know what to do for your character's offspring if they ever happen).
• She has virtually no tail - I'm going to warn now, so you're aware. Cats without tails have less balance and less turning speed than cats with them. You'll be expected to play it that way. You might also wish to note that other cats are likely to look down on your character for being tailess (it is a deformity, afterall, in a society where deformity makes you a liability).

HISTORY

• Wind Clan & Star Clan - What's with the spaces?
• While hunting near the thunderpath a monster went off road killing Moosegaze - Why were they hunting on the path side of the treeline? I doubt the car was going so quickly it got all the way through the treeline...
• She's now looking for a mate so she doesn't have to be lonely anymore. - You really need to read the file on Mates and Mating. You 'mate with' a cat here, you don't 'have a mate' (there's no formal ceremony of matehood, thus there's no "My mate" just, "cat I've mated with"). If she wants offspring, she'll find a cat she trusts, and ask him to sire her litter (though you should check out our litters rules, as there's a process we insist be followed. Litters are like a reward for RP here, not just something you do on a whim).

If you have any questions, just let me know.  Kitsufox  ^{Fox's Den} 09:19, 25 November 2010 (CST)

Check Results - 29 November 2010

PERSONALITY

• can be happy and optimistic about life - Powerplay. Please describe what you feel creates the impressions you're claiming, rather than just claiming them. They're vague enough that if you demonstrated them it wouldn't be a powerplay anymore. Try giving the Powerplaying Help Page for some tips, tricks and the like about it.
• She can be annoying - Powerplay.
• some cats can spend quite a long time listening to her amazing tales of battles and glory, some think she has a great imagination. - Mild powerplaying. I tend to dislike statements like these unless there are characters IC that feel that way openly.

APPEARANCE

• a chocolate tonkinese she-cat - This is my fault. I gave you the wrong terminology for a marking... I gave you teh breed that's known for it rather than the markings. It'll be either Sepia or Mink that you want. You can see 'em demonstrated HERE by a very awesome artist. I apologize for that.
• a chocolate tonkinese she-cat - Another comment on the same line, just decided to split 'em for clarity. Chocolate is very, very rare in non-purebreed situations. It's preferable that it simply not get used.
• a notch in her left ear - Be clearer in in the shape of the notch. Notch isn't very clear, it could mean anything from a single line cut in the ear to a large piece missing.
• She has long legs as well which doesn't go well with no tail. - Mild powerplay.
• No tail and long legs make her stumble so if you hear a thump and then a "Whoopsie!" you have most likely run into Swiftsparrow. She is still very fast (running in a strait line that is. Turning.....not so much.) but stumbles quite a bit in the attempt to do so. - The informal, conversational tone of this isn't exactly appropriate to a character sheet. I suggest thinking about the tone and impression you're giving. Keep in mind that you're writing a reference document.

HISTORY

• While hunting near the thunderpath a monster went off road killing Moosegaze - [2nd INCLUDE] Why were they hunting on the path side of the treeline? I doubt the car was going so quickly it got all the way through the treeline...
• She's now looking for a friend so she doesn't have to be lonely anymore. - I worry about this section. It's basically assuming that she's got zero friends after living shoulder to shoulder with her clanmates (including sharing a room with them). That makes no sense. It's safe to assume that she has friends, and you can just let the RP happen and decide which cats they are later.

Remember, any questions should be sent my way. I do apologize for that terminology mistake I made in the previous decline.  Kitsufox  ^{Fox's Den} 14:30, 29 November 2010 (CST)

Check Results - 13 December 2010

First off, I'd like to apologize for the wait and thank you for your patience. Classes and end of term are just chewing me up. But only a week left.

AFFILIATION: WindClan - Unfortunately, when I updated the bans lists for December new WindClan characters were banned for creation. Sorry. At the very least your character isn't one with a history that's highly dependent on a specific clan of origin.

PERSONALITY

• her amazing tales of battles and glory - Mild powerplay in the way it's written giving the impression that her stories were amazing in general, and not just considered so by the sire.

HISTORY

• her mother died from falling into the falls on a border patrol - Please expand on the situation. It's rare for a cat to just... fall over the edge (being that cats are generally graceful, coordinate and trained warriors are alert).
• She scared him away but continued hunting. & After protecting the clan and feeding it well she earned her name Swiftsparrow. - I'd like to just point out one important thing... She kept hunting after encountering an enemy. Instead of heading back to camp to let the leader or deputy know that a major danger was found in a location that was well within the territory (considering her direction was fourtrees). I doubt she's receive any honors for such an oversight.

You're making really good progress, and I'll try to keep the turnaround rate higher from here on out. So that you don't have huge lags again.  Kitsufox  ^{Fox's Den} 12:00, 13 December 2010 (CST)

Check Results - 16 December 2010

See, much better turnaround this time ;)

AGE: 15 Moons - 15 Moons is currently banned for all clans.

HISTORY

• After hunting and fighting the kittypet she earned her name Swiftsparrow. - Bloodstar would not have considered her combat performance satisfactory. She was injured by a kittypet and that cat (who is in his opinion one that the code does not apply to, a cat who is worthless) survived.'

Just details at this point. I'll keep and eye out for it to come back, becuase I think we can settle this one ASAP from here.  Kitsufox  ^{Fox's Den} 09:46, 16 December 2010 (CST)

Approval Notes - 18 December 2010

Just so you know, the genetics for your char's parents aren't working perfectly, but I didn't think it was worth a decline about so I'm noting it here. The mother, being a Van (as is implied by "White with colored spots") she would have to pass a white spotting gene to Swiftsparrow. I suggest just adding white toes to Swiftsparrow since I technically should be calling you on the fact that she's solid colored (solid refers to absence of white markings, not presence of multiple shades of one color). I figure you're sensible and flexible, so this didn't warrant a proper decline. I'll just let you make the change and include the toes being white in the sdesc. If you have issues/alternate suggestions, just drop me a PM before you take the character IC and we'll sort it out.  Kitsufox  ^{Fox's Den} 09:55, 18 December 2010 (CST)