Check Results - 1 September 2008
- Age - 25 Moons is specifically banned for use in WindClan.
- PERSONALITY
- a solid, even-tempered she-cat - Powerplay. What makes a cat solid and even tempered will vary from cat to cat. Please describe what you feel gives this impression, rather than claiming the impression itself.
- he could be called slow-thinking, a more positive wording would be level-headed & The only other time Earthnose might make a rash decision is when she feels criticized by others - These two polar traits are not well justified. Currently you've got a cop-out in which your character can be level-headed when it suits you, and yet react however they want when more aggression is better suited. Please either eliminate or soften one trait, or work to justify them against each other, or create a better, clearer set of circumstances. Right now the personality seems very convenient.
- APPEARANCE
- She has deep amber eyes which carry an outward tranquility - You've hardwired your character to always look tranquil. This seems a dangerous generalization to make about one's character, dosen't it?
- HISTORY
- That's why it hit her so hard when Wrenfeather fell in love again. It was during Brownkit's apprenticeship, as Earthpaw, that her mother began spending long amounts of time hidden away with a WindClan warrior named Fireclaw. Earthpaw denied the rumors as long as she could, until her rage and confusion threatened to overwhelm her. It was then that she decided to lock away her harshest emotions. She went on, stonily ignoring Wrenfeather's shenanigans, and tried to turn her pent-up anger into strength for fighting. - You're describing something characteristic of modern western-type human culture. Not something consistent with a tribal society that does not demand a bond between a female for her to bear offspring. In a society where bearing offspring is addressed as a female duty to ensure the future, why would Wrenfeather have hidden? Why would rumors fly (she'd taken up with a Warrior of her own clan) when she was doing as expected? The anger on the part of your character is acceptable (she's a few degrees south of normal, methinks), but the implied non-acceptance, hiding and like emotions on the part of other cats seem out of place given the clanner society. (I expanded and clarified some of it in the Clan Traditions page)
- Wrenfeather found herself pregnant by Fireclaw, and Earthpaw found herself with more and more of that battle-flame to use up. One day, she went a little too far, forgetting herself and going for her mentor's throat---it was not his face she was seeing, but that of a certain queen. In retaliation, her mentor dodged her and sank his teeth into her hind leg. Both were mortified, and the accident went unmentioned in the days of training after Earthpaw returned from the medicine den. - The idea of this event, one that would not be able to simply be brushed off (the medicine cat would recognize the feline teethmarks and battlewounds). This event would have destroyed the career of the mentor, or sure. Clear abuse of an apprentice would have destoryed the faith of Breezestar in her Senior Warrior. To the point where I don't think Mentorship, let alone Senior Status, would be retained. Your character was apprenticed during the latter part of the great war. There would be no room in a Leader's inner circle for a cat who attacked another of the clan and permanently injuring them. And your character, for initiating the attack, would likely receive a label of mental instability. Mentally unstable cats have a lot of trouble becoming warriors.
Kitsufox Fox's Den 14:24, 1 September 2008 (UTC)