Flickerlight/Archive 1
From Children of StarClan
Check Results - 30 July 2010
Greetings and welcome to CoSC! I'm Kitsufox and I handle the character approvals process here. Please note that most characters go through 2-4 rounds of decline and editing prior to acceptance (some more than that). CoSC has a different take on the Warriors World, and character requirements that no other game (to our knowledge) considers standard. This can lead to a bit of a learning curve. If you end up with any questions about this decline, simply drop me a PM and we'll talk about it.
NAME HISTORY: Format - Please rearrange the name history list into the accepted conventions. There's a help page linked under the box in the form.
PERSONALITY
- He can only be described as being slightly off-kilter. - Powerplay, as you're forcing others to describe your character in a certain way. Describe why you think he's off kilter and leave the conclusion about how to label him to the reader.
- 2 Dimensional Character - As of right now he's a bit flat. I'd love to see more detail and know more about him that he's a touch OCD, a touch withdrawn and "off-kilter". Given what I know I worry about if he'd even be a warrior. Cats who give the impression of mental instability don't exactly earn privileges like warrior names in a society without so much as a concept of mental health care. But it could just be rooted in how little I know about him. Seeing more would be great.
APPEARANCE: Flickerlight is a rather small . . . tom - Abnormally small cats are currently under an extreamly heavy restriction. This means that you must be a member in good standing with already approved character, consistent RP activity, and good RP quality to be eligible for that trait.
HISTORY
- Flicker as a name - Flicker is an unusual name for a kitten. The reason behind the name would be nice to have in his history.
- This made it harder on him when Cricketfoot was killed. - Flickerlight was an apprentice in a time in which combat is not the norm. More details on how he was killed are needed. Also, who picked up mentoring him following the death of his sire?
- Missing Moons - The history ends rather abruptly at the 12 moon mark, launching into information that's borderline-personality-approrpiate rather than history-approriate. I'd like to hear more about his responses and experiences during Sair Fen's tenure in the forest, and during the Killingcough plot. These happen during his lifetime (including his apprenticeship and (theoretically) the point when he acquires his warrior name) and it would be a great way to round him out some.
FAMILY MEMBERS: Parents listed in siblings sections - For some reason the parental units are listed in the spaces for half-siblings.
Kitsufox Fox's Den 23:52, 30 July 2010 (CDT)
Check Results - 1 August 2010
PERSONALITY: He likes to organize and keep himself and other things neat and tidy. - I bring up this line because it nagged at me the first time I checked the sheet, and the nag didn't do away. The clanners don't have things (with the exception of the MCs). They're a possession free society, lacking even simple tools...
APPEARANCE: Flickerlight is a rather small . . . tom - [2nd INCLUDE] Abnormally small cats are currently under an extreamly heavy restriction. This means that you must be a member in good standing with already approved character, consistent RP activity, and good RP quality to be eligible for that trait.
NOTES: Responding to the comments made there - When you say "small" without modifiers indicating context in the appearance I have to take it to mean small in the sense of the full scale of cats in the forest. You don't place any modifiers on small in the appearance, thus small still means small, whatever you say here. The imprecise wording "rather small" from the appearance is one the gives me pause every time. When people are not clear and precise I have to assume the most extreme interpretation of the trait, not the mildest. Clarify the description in the appearance section, not in the notes. Make it precise rather than adding footnotes.