Honeyflower/1
From Children of StarClan
Decline #1: Check Results for 4 June 2012
Greetings and welcome to your first go-round in our applications department. Please note that most characters end up going thru around 2-4 rounds of decline and editing. Do not feel discouraged by this as it's perfectly ordinary and a part of the process of a new user learning the ropes at CoSC. We have a lot of views that are unlike many games, and a number of rules interpretations that are different than what is typical. In the decline itself I will take the section that I have change requests for and quote it, and then describe the needed changes. (Occasionally, it's just me commenting, but those situations will be clearly marked). If you run into any questions, please feel welcome to contact me for clarifications.
PERSONALITY: Cheerful and lively are two words that accurately describe Honeyflower - Mild powerplay because you declare that it's 'accurate" and the wording implies that other descriptions would be inaccurate with the wordings.
HISTORY
- first litter had consisted solemnly of a - Solemnly dosen't mean what you seem to think it does. Or you've got autocorrect and it got ideas about what you meant to say.
- When still a young apprentice, Honeypaw thought about serving her Clan in a different way than a warrior would. Rather than fighting with tooth and claw, Honeypaw wanted the knowledge of the medicine cat. She never did become a medicine cat apprentice, as Honeypaw found that she wasn't meant for that task rather quickly. - At CoSC individual cats do not choose their own paths. Additionally, Longtime ShadowClan Medicine Cat Sagepelt picked up an apprentice (Ravenblink) in the Moon of First Fishing that same year. Meaning the path would have been closed to her as Sagepelt's apprentice would have been in training for 8 moons already when she became eligible for apprenticeship. Since Sagepelt wouldn't be seeking an apprentice, kits wouldn't even be getting tested for the aptitude.
- Before trying for the position and later regretting it - I didn't directly address the process we use for MCA selection in the previous comment so I will here. When a CoSC MC is ready for an apprentice (usually 6 moons + into their time as a solo career before they even begin to consider taking one) that MC begins to visit the nursery (and sometimes the younger warrior apprentice). The MC will test and see what they think (paying attention to how they learn basic field medicine if they're in warrior training, seeing how sensitive their noses are and seeing if they learn quickly and well in short lessons if they're younger). If the MC finds a kit they feel is promising, they tell the leader and then the leader apprentices that kit to the MC (who then has to take the apprentice to Highstones with them, to be approved by StarClan before it's official).
- Missing Time - Her history ends abruptly at the 12 moon mark, but as she's 19 there's a little more than half a year missing there that you'll want to say something about.
FAMILY: Full Sibling Russetclaw - We frown on playing one's character's own siblings, and unless you intend to adopt him out it's better for everyone that he dosne't get named. Since you can't RP with yourself, you simply loose what should be an interesting relationship for your character.
All-in-all a good start. Feel free to ask me any questions you've got. Kitsufox Fox's Den 15:59, 4 June 2012 (CDT)
Decline #2: Check Results for 7 June 2012
Good to see you back for the second go-round here! This one isn't bad at all, you'll be ready for apps soon. Also, sorry about the wait on this getting processed. Life ate me for a few days.
HISTORY
- The first litter had consisted of a russet-furred tom, a ten-moon old apprentice by the time of the second litter's birth. - I know that you took him out of the family line, but he still exists. Having him unnamed will make him more adoptable (and just state in the notes that you intend to use Family Finder for the brother if you want), otherwise we could go through the history and see if we can find a cat that's either adoptable or has already been killed from the game's past that we could alter without effecting things to be this sibling. If you want this second option, just contact me and we'll work it out together before the next round in Apps via the forum PMs. Just make sure it's obvious what's what with the plan for approaching this guy.
- Missing Time / Since then, she has been serving ShadowClan. - [2nd INCLUDE] Her history ends abruptly at the 12 moon mark, but as she's 19 there's a little more than half a year missing there that you'll want to say something about. It would be one thing if you were glossing over a moon or two... But you're trying to gloss over 7 moons of her existence with a single sentence that says nothing.
Any questions or points for discussion, please let me know. Kitsufox Fox's Den 19:43, 7 June 2012 (CDT)
Decline #3: Check Results for 8 June 2012
APPEARANCE: Honeyflower's eyes are big and round, colored a vivid shade of emerald green. - Green eyes are banned for ThunderClanners.