Rowanfall/Archive 1

Check Results - 10 August 2009

It's always fun to get a look at a new player's first character, and you've got a very nice start. Understand that because we have rules and interpretations of the warriors world few other games share that it is not unusual for a first character to undergo a series of revisions.

NAME HISTORY: Please format the name history with each transition on it's own line, as we consider customary.

PERSONALITY

• Rowanfall is a loyal ShadowClan cat through and through. - Because each character will perceive loyalty in a slightly different fashion this sentence constitutes a powerplay by forcing all other characters to interpret her as unvaryingly loyal. Please focus on the individual traits that you feel give this impression, rather than just claiming it.
• She can be a bit snarky and short-tempered in her bad moods, but she's quite friendly on her good days. - Please quantify 'good day'. Right now the personality is written so that you can have her swing from sweet to snarky in whatever fashion is convenient. Please explain the circumstances that might trigger the changes rather than leaving them vague.

APPEARANCE

• Her pelt is thick to keep her warm while hunting in the cool swamps of ShadowClan. - The combined territory of all the clans is not particularaly large, and in accordance there is not a significant diffrence between the temperatures of the clans. It should also be noted that, as ShadowClan's territory is both very open and the topographically lowest of the clans it would be fractionally warmer than the other clans rather than cooler. (The books statements about ShadowClan being cold has mystified me, as if the winds blew down then WindClan would be more frigid than ShadowClan, lying about the same distance from the mountains and being higher ground.)
• She has leafy green eyes - You might wish to select a more exact descriptor than "leafy green". I've seen leaves that are sickly yellow-green, brilliant almost crayola green, and even silvery-green like those of the white poplar.
• She has ... a white tail-tip - White tipped tails are currently a part of our Bans and Restrictions, restricted to the general level, which you do not qualify for.

HISTORY

• OVERALL - Please format the huge block of text and break it into paragraphs to increase the readability.
• her brother drowned shortly after he was born - The drowning of a kitten is a major event for any clan, and in accordance I cannot permit the circumstances (like what a kitten that young would be doing out alone with no one watching) to go unexplained.
• She enjoyed studying about the warrior code, and was intrigued by the fact that many noble warriors had broken it. - I find it interesting that her mentor would portray a cat as 'Noble' and having broken the code. Usually if a clan holds up a cat as noble, it is not when a clear case of code-breaking is in evidence. (For example, IC or OOC I have yet to see 'Noble' be applied to my own Bloodstar). Any cat openly violating the morals defined in the code and still being called 'noble' isn't really done... and particularaly not in our ShadowClan, which has been insolated from conflict by the isolation created by the Thunderpath. The CoSC ShadowClan is rather soft and cuddly compared to what most know.
• She enjoyed hunting birds and squirrels, enjoying the challenge of climbing a tree or leaping into the air to catch her prey. - Climbing trees to hunt birds and squirrels is poor strategy. Why would a cat, poorly designed for moving about efficiently in trees, go up a tree to hunt grown birds or squirrels (who are designed specifically to exploit such territory)? For a nest of either, I can see. Not so much on the grown versions.
• She was slightly humiliated at being reminded of her accident, but the rest of the Clan soon forgot it. - It's a powerplay to force other players to have their characters ignore something so significant as an apprentice doing potential permanent damage to themselves.
• The night after her warrior ceremony, Rowanfall was invited to attend the Gathering. She was amazed to see how many cats there were at the Gathering - It's almost implied that this was her first gathering. By CoSC tradition most apprentices go to the gathering following their apprenticing (at least).
• Rowanfall has participated in few battles since she became a warrior. - Since the end of the Great War 2 IC years ago there has been a grand total of 1 full-scale Clan vs Clan battle. Your character simply could not have fought in a battle with another clan (As the 1 battle that has happened happened IC, and thus we know specifically which characters were involved).
• She is also wise enough to not provoke a battle by crossing a border. - As any borders ShadowClan shares with anyone are Thunderpaths I really don't understand the significance of this. Unlike the other clans there isn't really a way for a ShadowClanner to accidentally trespass...
• Shortly after her warrior ceremony, she met with StarClan at the Moonstone, and thankfully they had no news for her, good or bad. Although it was her second time meeting with them, Rowanfall still felt overwhelmed by the presence of dead cats. When she spoke with StarClan as an apprentice, she prayed for guidance as she trained after her injury. - A plain warrior does not go to share tongues with StarClan... Yes, apprentices do get at least one trip to Highstones, it does not usually involve a decent into sacred space at all. You'll need to explain why an ordinary warrior has gone had meetings with StarClan of their own accord.
• Rowanfall hasn't yet found any toms in ShadowClan that she has a "special" relationship with. - This 'special' relationship you speak of is not a necessary part of the clan reproductive system. Mates are not formal or permanent. A queen might choose a tom simply because she admires him and ask him to sire her kits. (See the Mates & Mating Information)
• She does have a few friends in other Clans, but they have made it clear to each other that that will mean nothing if they're in a battle. - Without other players agreeing to their characters being these friends in other clans, I'll have to ask you to remove this until such time as it is actually true in character.
• After both of her parents were killed in a battle with ThunderClan - Due to lack of battles, this is not an appropriate method to eliminate her parents. See the Plot Index for ideas of situations that might have led to their demise.

SIRE & DAME: Flamewatcher (dead NPC) & Shiningstone (dead NPC) - There is no need to include the (dead NPC) part, as you will be expected to eventually create very short character sheets (history would not be required, and no more than a single line description is required.) for the parents that would appropriately label them as dead.

Once again, you have a nice start. Most of the things I brought up I got wordy on, and they're mainly differences in world interpretation from the norm, or me nitpicking and wanting you to either change or expand on points as they're given. If you have any questions about any points, just ask away.

 Kitsufox  ^{Fox's Den} 02:31, 11 August 2009 (UTC)

Check Results - 11 August 2009

PERSONALITY

• Rowanfall is a loyal ShadowClan cat through and through, meaning that she respects her leader and would never help another Clan without a very good reason. - While the changes you made are definitely in the right direction, you're still drawing the conclusion for the reader and powerplaying other characters into viewing her as loyal (I know at least one character I play (though he's in the wrong clan for it to immediately matter, but the point will hold despite this) who would consider willingness to help another clan at all to be an act of utter disloyalty to her clan).

APPEARANCE

• Her pelt is thick and warm during cold leaf-bares and leaf-falls, and sleek and short during warmer seasons. - I would like you to please clarify this, so that I can tell for use if she's got short, mid, or long length fur.

HISTORY

• Her mentor was a decent warrior who taught her the ways of the Clans. She enjoyed studying about the warrior code, and was intrigued by the fact that many warriors had broken it. Rowanpaw was puzzled, thinking that a truly good warrior would follow the code at all costs. As she progressed, however, Rowanpaw came to realize that she must live by the code as well as by her own morals. - This section quite subtly bothers me... And I'm having a really hard time finding a concrete way to explain it. So I'm going to try, and you can sort of ignore this if you really want to. I'll start with mentioning that our Warriors Code is completely unlike the code of any other game. We have gray areas that leave room for interpretation. But, we also have a very hard view of code-breaking. Cats who do it suffer for it to the point where most cats involved in codebreaking protect themselves in a mantle of silents. In cases like Bloodstar killing at Fourtrees... It's been almost two years IC and he still suffers for his first violation of that sort (the second he argues that he did not instigate and that it was not a truce violation because the gathering was over, thought that one he still has issues because of, too). The only IC instance of a violation of the code in ShadowClan that became well known was when Silverheart mated with Leopardtrack of WindClan. She was outcast for it. Unlike the books we tend to hold to the idea that the morals taught to kittens and the code are entwined. I don't know if any of that was clear, or adequately illustrated what bothered me about that passage... But it's at least something for you to consider.
• and not waste her time having relationships with other cats - You may wish to rethink this wording. "relationship" is not only vague, but also refers to friendship and acquaintanceship. It's not necessarily a romantic thing.
• Rowanfall also found that she had another, ambitious reason for not becoming a queen: she hoped to perhaps lead her Clan someday. - This would have no bearing on her ability to become deputy. (The opinion held by the administration around here is that Bluefur would have been passed over because there was another candidate eligible who was equal to her but would not be on restricted duty for 2 months. It wasn't that she had a litter, but rather the timing of her litter, that interfered with her ability to become deputy.).

You've made excellent progress.

 Kitsufox  ^{Fox's Den} 16:46, 11 August 2009 (UTC)

Check Results - 17 August 2009

APPEARANCE

• Rowanfall is a dark ginger she-cat without any markings. - I apologize for only just catching this now. Non-black/white solid cats are under Heavy restriction on our bans & restrictions list, and as a new player you currently are not eligible to create a character with a solid coat.

HISTORY

• Full Blooded Sibling: Redleaf - As he literally plays no part in her history, there is no need to name him at all and remove a perfectly serviceable name from amongst those that could be used. Better to leave him tentatively un-named and see if you can find a player through family finder, but make sure you have in mind a way for him to have quietly died in case a player cannot be find (just tuck the plan into the notes for me, thanks).

Just about there.

 Kitsufox  ^{Fox's Den} 15:00, 17 August 2009 (UTC)

Check Results - 19 August 2009

APPEARANCE: Rowanfall is a dark ginger tabby she-cat. - I appologize, as I should have been more explicit than I was. 'Ginger tabby' is still considered a solid color. Non-solid is intended to refer to the presence of the White Marking Gene.

HISTORY: While she was in the medicine den, her brother, Redpaw, fell to the deadly Killingcough without ever being made a warrior. - Only the very latest part of what would have been their 'by rights' apprenticeship was prior to the first part of the killingcough. Using Sair Fen might be better. Though if you place it 'right before he was due to be made a warrior', it would be possible to kill him using Killingcough.

I'm guessing next round should have things perfect.

 Kitsufox  ^{Fox's Den} 18:21, 19 August 2009 (UTC)

Check Results - 20 August 2009

APPEARANCE

• Rowanfall is a dark ginger she-cat with white markings on her back. - I've never seen a picture of a solid cat with white markings on the back. The back of the cat is the part that becomes colored first when pigment comes in. Usually if there is no white on the underside of the cat, there is no white on the top side of the cat. (If you wish to refute this, you must present me with pictures via PM, and include the link to the website they came from so that I might see the images in context).

I suspect that next time I see this character you should have everything good to go.

 Kitsufox  ^{Fox's Den} 17:36, 20 August 2009 (UTC)

Offer from Screwball

Adoption Status: Accepted

This adoption offer is made under eased rules.

I feel that I would be a good roleplayer for Rowanfall because my persona is a lot like hers. Anyway, I have not found any missing time in history, and I intend to develop her character a bit further. Rowanfall would continue trying and trying, but would understand that she is a great warrior material, but not a good deputy material, not even speaking about leader. Thus, she'd give up her ambition of leadership and work hard as a simple warrior (which could even get her to be a senior warrior someday). Finally, when she'd be near retirement, she'd have kits so to serve her Clan even more.

Technically, you're not eligible for an Eased adoption (You don't have an open slot for a pending character, and easement characters have to go through the approvals process for the improvements). BUT, I like your application, and your moxie as a player, so what I'll do is accept the application "In Trust" for the point when you finish with Dizzyday, and then you'll be eligible for a normal adoption and will just be able to be given this character.  Kitsufox  ^{Fox's Den} 10:54, 13 January 2013 (CST)