Tab/1

Decline #1: Check Results for 26 July 2011

PERSONALITY

• Focus: Right now the personality is heavily focused on what she believes and what she thinks. Please add in some additional content that covers more of who she is (IE: How she responds to situations and the like.). You're close to having the proper ballance, but not quite there yet.

APPEARANCE

• She has a small build, but living in the forest for most of her development has granted her a coat of muscles on top of that, making her appear somewhat larger than she is. - There's a note of powerplay to this, as in my experience (at least) a small person with a great deal of muscle has never looked larger than they are.
• Overall - When I take it down to sentences that apply to her looks at all times you have three. This isn't enough for me to approve the character, let alone approve it with a highly desirable lack of white markings. Please expand the detail.

HISTORY

• born on the 1st day of Cheetah's Flight - I suggest using the translation (you'll find it in the weather reports) and including the clan-cat date in parenthesis. She's not of clan origin, meaning cheetah's flight wouldn't make sense to her. Granted, she's feral and the concept of human dates is unlikely to make sense to here. But it would clarify that a non-clannish point of view should be taken with her.
• a single kit to parents & Her house, a wealthy home - Why was there only 1 kitten? They were a healthy, well fed and cared for pair. If I rolled the dice on them for a litter, I'd roll between 2-6. Possibly with a bonus upping it further (I don't know enough to be solid on that one, though).
• At two moons old - As a product of two domestic cats Tab would be familiar with, and at least during this phase of her life, thinking months, not moons.
• At two moons old, Anita finally scared Tab out of the house, the reason being that she had listened to the superstitions told by her housefolk that black cats were bad luck. - Why did she even raise Tab if she was so willing to duff her out without training. Why didn't she just kill the kitten she thought was bad luck?
• Anita showered Tab with love & When Tab was weaned, she noticed a change in her mother's attitude towards her. She would not talk with her, she would scare her away from the bowls when she was eating, and she would not allow Tab to even see Biscuit in her presence. At two moons old, Anita finally scared Tab out of the house, the reason being that she had listened to the superstitions told by her housefolk that black cats were bad luck. - Certainly this superstition didn't get introduced to her and have her so wildly change her opinion of the kitten she's doted on for so long. It's seemingly completely random and I'd like to see a clearer explanation for this wild alteration of her mother's opinion of her.
• Dazed and confused, Tab wandered the neighborhood trying to find a new home to enter. She was nearly caught by animal control after living for a moon under a porch - Why would she run from the AC guy? They normally just hold out a hand or a treat to start with to see if the animal will come to them. She was terrified and wanted to return to humans. Running away from a human offering protection seems completely outside the situation. Please clarify or alter.
• She was nearly caught by animal control after living for a moon under a porch, but she managed to escape into the forest, where she learned basic survival instincts by trial and error. - The cat you're describing, and the methodology she would have learned through trial and error (scrounging would have equal precedence with hunting as a valid means to acquire food) she would be classed as Semi-feral. At least during this phase of her life.
• Leaf-bare followed - She is of domestic, not clanner, stock. She would use Spring, summer, winter, and fall for the seasons.
• she managed to escape into the forest & Leaf-bare followed, and Tab was able to survive most of it by finding shelter within the various nooks and crannies of the forest. - Please address the wildly huge change that occurs between these two lines. You take her from an incompetent survivalist that wishes to return to humanity all the way to a cat who is as competent a hunter as a clan cat (she'd have to be to survive the harsh Minnesota winters our cats face).
• a sister, Samantha. After searching for Tab in the forest area & her mother was . . . wanting Tab to come back in the family - Please address this second wild swing in her mother's personality.
• her mother was elderly - Her mother is a fit-as-a-fiddle domestic cat who would loose her fertility well before reaching the status of "elderly". She's not a clan cat who goes to the elder's den still young enough to be very fertile. Unless her mother was wildly old already, a year wouldn't be enough for her to reach the status of "elderly". And given that the described home is one that seems to take good care of the cats and appreciate them, I doubt they'd have let a dangerous old age pregnancy come to term without spaying her.

Any questions, just let me know.  Kitsufox  ^{Fox's Den} 13:22, 26 July 2011 (CDT)

Decline #2: Check Results for 29 July 2011

APPEARANCE

• Tab's tail . . . can possibly be described as wispy - This seems an odd choice of words to be used to describe a cat who is shorthaired (based on the lack of mention given to fur length beyond this sentence, she would be assumed to be shorthaired - the feline default).

HISTORY

• She had two siblings, a sister named Samantha, and a brother named Fleece - There's no point in naming the siblings, since they're dead, gone and completely insignificant to the history. There's no reason to loose two perfectly good names others might wish to use someday over cats who don't matter.
• her cage was situated in the right place at the right time in order to be saved from being thrown around like her family was. She was able to escape her cage due to a couple of bent wires from the other items in the car - She was completely uninjured in an accident that slew two humans and 4 other pets? Seems unlikely that she wouldn't at least be moderately banged up, as her cage clearly took damage.
• Winter followed - But only by a month. I hate to be so stubborn about this... but she'd domestic bred. She wouldn't have survived in her banged up state for the full, harsh Minnesota winter as a full-feral. The accident is set in October. The first snow is starting to hit the ground by then! Given how much time you skip between the end of the history and the current date, you have plenty of time to address the transition from a semi-feral life to a fully feral one so that you can try and impress certain cats.

As always, questions to me.  Kitsufox  ^{Fox's Den} 17:48, 29 July 2011 (CDT)