Willowkit (Owlfeather)/Archive 1
From Children of StarClan
Contents
Check Results - 23 December 2010
PERSONALITY
- Future Focus - Please shift the focus to be what the kitten is like now. Right now it's entierly focused on what she will be, not what she is (in the period after birth).
- a loud, bossy she-kit with a serious outlook on life - Powerplay.
- actions will not be kit-like, rather serious and elegant at first glance - Powerplay.
- will be rather sarcastic - Powerplay.
- She will have a bad habit of gossiping - Powerplay. You can't tell people they have to interpret gossiping as bad.
APPEARANCE
- silvery gray fur adorns . . . toes. - Cats in the van range of white markings simply don't have colored toes. (Refrence)
- piercing amber eyes - Powerplay. Describe what you think makes them piercing rather than just forcing everyone to view them that way.
'PLAYER'S NOTES: Short Description - There's no need to include that. If you look at the template at the top, the one that describes the litter she's a part of, you'll see that it includes her Sdesc.
Kittens are shockingly tricky. Kitsufox Fox's Den 10:49, 23 December 2010 (CST)
1st Adoption Proceeding
Offer from Wildlark
- Adoption Status: Accepted
I've been interested in playing both a WindClanner and a kitten for some time now, so when I saw that Willowkit was up for adoption and no one had applied for her, I decided I shouldn't wait any longer. I think playing a rather obnoxious character would be fun and something I have experience with--okay, scratch that, I KNOW playing one is fun and something I have experience with, seeing as I already happen to have such a character who also happens to have a name starting with "W." So, in short, I think I'd be a good match for Willowkit, and I'd hate to see her get killed off.
Failed Adoption Attempt by Boneclaw
Check Results - 4 October 2013
Greetings and welcome to your first go-round in our applications department! Characters ususally go through 2-4 rounds of decline and editing, so do not feel discouraged about the fact that this was declined. CoSC has diffrent rules, and a diffrent approch to Warriors. The Apps process is where new players pick up a ton of these critical details.
In the decline itself I will take the section that I have change requests for and quote it, and then describe the needed changes. (Occasionally, it's just me commenting, but those situations that don't require change will be noted in the text). If you run into any questions, please feel welcome to contact me for clarifications.
APPEARANCE: they seem almost seem golden in certain light - What she looks like in certain light is for RP. The character sheet is intended to describe her as accurately as possible in normal lighting.
PERSONALITY
- What she likes vs What is is - There is an over emphasis on what she tries to be, or what she would like to be, rather than what she actually is. I'm guessing you're trying to avoid powerplaying, but giving an example of behavior rather than her goals might help you zero in on who she is.
- She like to be a bit nosey from time to time, but always knows when not push too far. - This is a powerplay. She can always detect a cats limit according to your sheet. She's not a supercat. She's a regular cat and prone to mistakes.
- Often she has gotten confused by simple tasks every now and then, but she's often times a fast learner. - I have trouble seeing how these two traits (quick learning and confusion over simple tasks) work against one another. Please clarify how they relate to each other, and how you justify a cat who learns quickly being unable to understand simple tasks. I'd assume this would lead to her learning rather slowly, personally.
HISTORY
- Flickerlight . . . had very well fallen - The choice of words "very well" in that sentence is a bit odd. This isn't a demand for change, just me pointing out that it seems odd to consider her to have died 'very well'.
- While she didn't grasp the whole concept at first she knew well enough it was the reason her grand-dame was taken away and was not to be thought lightly of. - This is another sentence that's a little odd. She never actually knew any of her Grandparents. Death isn't actually the end in the warriors world, either. They've gone on to StarClan to walk in Silverpelt… Death is painful, but in this world the Afterlife is assured.
- The anticipation of becoming a apprentice would often stride her to help out fellow clan members. - I'm pretty sure the word "stride" doesn't mean what you think it means. This sentence doesn't make much sense.
- she has become sick and is in the medical cats den - Medicine Cat's Den. You need to read at least the Warriors Wiki, if not one of the actual books. You will not have what it takes to really understand the world until then, and are going to spend a lot of time being asked to change posts if you don't put the time into learning.
Any questions, just let me know. Especially if you need a clarification on any of the points in the decline. Kitsufox Fox's Den 15:38, 4 October 2013 (CDT)
Decline #2 - Check Results for 5 October 2013
HISTORY
- new life with the Starclan - Just a nitpick, but it's jarring when you know the world. "the" rarely goes before Clan. "new life with StarClan" rather than "new life with the StarClan". This actually applies to all of the Clans. (The is used when referring to all the clans, but never when referring to a single clan).
- The anticipation of becoming a apprentice would often made her want to help out fellow clan members. - "would often made" is just bad english.
You're getting there. Just a few more tweaks needed. Kitsufox Fox's Den 09:31, 5 October 2013 (CDT)