Bananaseb/Character:Redglint

Check Results - 23 November 2010

Welcome to your second attempt. Don't let a decline get you down. 2-4 is perfectly normal, and the more unusual the character the more likely a decline becomes due to the number of details that need to get worked out. If you have any questions about the decline just drop me a PM.

NAME HISTORY: Rat, Red, Redglint - Please format your name history in accordance with the conventions described in the help file.

PERSONALITY

• a moody cat - Forcing other people to have their characters interpret yours as moody is called powerplaying. You should describe the traits you feel make your character moody rather than just claiming the impression.
• She can be very nice but if you get on her nerves......you are no better than fresh-kill! - This sentence makes no sense... Fresh-kill (prey animals killed for consumption) are generally treated with a great deal of respect. In fact... Fresh-kill is one of the most important things in the clans world. Without it they're all dead. I also suggest you reconsider the conversation approach that sentence takes, and the fact that it doesn't provide any information about the personality, just makes a threat.
• has some depression - Depression is a mood, not a personality trait. And in the sense of the clans... Clinical depression doesn't exist because Medicine Cattery doesn't acknowledge it. Clinical depression is rare in real world tribal societies, and in accordance is rare in our world. Couple that with the fact that the clan's don't think of it as a medical condition but as dangerous instability... Cats with depression don't stay clan cats. If they're dangerous to others they're cast out or killed as a murderer. If they're dangerous to themselves, they're permitted to do it. Why should the clans waste resources on a cat willing to be a murdering traitor and kill themselves? (Suggested reading: Mature Themes Rules)
• some depression from being unwanted as a kit - I don't really understand the statement about being an unwanted kit... If she's alive then clearly someone cared for her. Someone wanted her...
• can be seen crying - She can't be seen crying because cats a physically incapable of that action.
• It is rare to see her smile - It's actually impossible to see her smile. Cats can't. They don't have muscle structures that permit their faces to preform a true smile. Please use catly physical expressions of emotions rather than human ones.

APPEARANCE

• Redglint is an albino - Albinos, being solid colored, are currently under heavy restriction. As a new player you simply don't qualify for a trait restricted to this level. To qualify you must be a member in good standing with already approved characters and RP History showing activity over at least one full IC moon. Sorry about that. You should also note that albinos would be held to realistic lifespans when suffering from constant exposure and the like.
• She has gum damage so one of her fangs hangs out of her mouth slightly. - I don't understand how 'gum damage' would result in this. I also can't seem to find any resources that suggest gum problems will result in a tooth changing position. Can you PM me a link showing what you're talking about, so we can work out a more accurate way to describe whatever's causing this?

HISTORY

• Non-clan Origin - Rather than bring up all the specific references, I'm going to make a blanket statement pointing you at the Bans & Restrictions List for ThunderClan. The fourth item in the General bans forbids Rogues turned clanner. And this is without considering Bloodstar into matters. He simply would not have welcomed a clan cat (this I'll address more specifically later).
• They then went to the treecut-place when Holly met Leaf. - This is just a CoSC centric comment for you. Treecut Place is home to a pack of hounds, who live amongst the trees and tied up to dog houses. The logger/owner is also a hunter who runs hounds. It's not exactly prime real estate for cats...
• When they called for them at the door their father came out instead. They were frozen in horror at the sight through the kitty-flap. Their mother was injured badly and so were their brothers. He then leaped on Holly, slamming her into concrete. Holly's leg shattered and she screamed in pain. Red then saw him kill her with one blow to the head. She jumped at him in revenge for her dead sister to have him rip her tail in half. She screamed as he dug his teeth in deeper but looked up long enough to see Blossom rip his neck open. He threw her to the fence, breaking her back then came back to Red. She gave him a swift blow to the head and he died. Blossom was in so much pain she fed her deathberries to get her out of her misery. - Just a comment, since this happened in a house. Where are the humans? Catfights are not quiet.
• Blossom was in so much pain she fed her deathberries to get her out of her misery - Why would a cat, a meat eating animal, have knowledge of a poisonous plant?
• She then came across Thunder Clan and joined earning her name Redglint. - Bloodstar, the current leader of ThunderClan (and the one during her entire life), is very xenophobic. He considered non-clan cats to be beneath the code, and believes that trespassing non-clan cats can be killed on sight without remorse. He wouldn't have welcomed outsiders. He'd have killed them. Assuming he saw them ;) Most of his patrols are more conservative and will just run off outsiders. But not one of them would be foolish enough to bring an outsider to Bloodstar thinking he'd welcome them into the clan.

TRAINING/NOTES: No Mentor Listed / I wasn't sure about mentor-ness things. - If your character wasn't trained by someone you don't have to list a mentor.

Remember, if you have any questions just drop me a PM.  Kitsufox  ^{Fox's Den} 18:32, 23 November 2010 (CST)