Web/Character:Chaos

Check Results - 19 November 2008

PERSONALITY

• Overall - You spend an awful lot of time to say he tries to manipulate and plan, but don't say much more. Right now the character is very 1 dimensional.

APPEARANCE

• His eyes, as mentioned before, are a grey-green color; they don’t stand out from his fur too much, but they are different and not one of the common yellow-green or yellow-amber colors, which makes them worth mentioning. - CoSC cat don't reflect normal eye colors. We have a huge number of non-yellow/green eyes.

HISTORY

• so he was rather independent and self-reliant - Young cats are able to survive fully on their own by about 3 months at the latest. I should hope he was ready to be independent by then...
• Personality Development Not Covered - For such a one Dimensional personality, it's completely not touched on as to how it developed in the character's history.

 Kitsufox  ^{Fox's Den} 17:23, 19 November 2008 (UTC)

48 Hour Deletion Warning

This warning is to indicate that if progress is not made on this character within 48 hours it will be deleted. Thank you,  Kitsufox  ^{Fox's Den} 18:48, 9 December 2008 (UTC)

Check Results - 10 December 2008

PERSONALITY

• Conversational Tone - The conversational tone of large sections of the personality is inappropriate. Please focus on describing the personality, rather than conversing with the reader of the character sheet.
• Chaos spends around a third of his life planning and manipulating, another third trying to mask his own emotions while trying to read other cats’ expressions, and another third just living a regular life. - How can a cat who spends the majority of his time focused on manipulation be considered to 'living a regular life'? Particularly with no mention being made about execution of all this planning he's obviously so obsessed with (considering the better part of 2 paragraphs have already been spent on his predisposition for it).
• Chaos loves his name because of its rather dark meaning, and a smirk is always brought to his face when he says it. - Really? A cat who thrives on manipulation of others and the control of their perception of himself has a huge tell like this? A cat obsessed with control can't stop a simple smirk?
• Overall [2nd INCLUDE] - You spend an awful lot of time to say he tries to manipulate and plan, but don't say much more. Right now the character is very 1 dimensional.

APPEARANCE

• not tattered or torn as you might expect in a rogue - Rogues only exist in the context of the clans at CoSC. He has no reason to mentally class himself as a rogue (being of blood from well beyond the clans).
• they don’t stand out from his fur too much - Borderline powerplay, as it does take control of what a cats attention might be drawn too.
• His eyes ... are a grey-green color ... but they are a different color, which makes them worth mentioning. - His eyes are grey-green. Nothing unusual by CoSC standards. The wording is just weird in that sentence, really. There's nothing different or exceptional about his eyes, while you suggest that there's something special about something that seems to be very ordinary.

HISTORY

• Insanity started to try to get his young son to be very sly and plotting, as Insanity tended to be that way and wanted his kin to follow his example. - I thought Insanity hadn't cared nor hung around with his family.
• Chaos’s father left the family when his kit was about four moons, - Frankly, in a feral lifestyle, that makes Chaos darn near independent (kittens wean at 8 weeks, and are sexually mature around 6 months) and grown.
• The cat wasn’t too experienced, and Chaos knew how to fight - Considering his mother is probably semi-feral (with a somewhat domestic bent, given how soft you suggest his youth was) at the wildest I'd like you to cover where he came across such knowledge.
• his muzzle still got tattered up pretty badly, giving him a more feral look [KINDA 2nd INCLUDE] - Powerplay. What makes a cat look feral is a subjective matter.
• Personality Development Not Adequately Covered - So, a couple on months with his father telling stories he didn't care about is supposed to account for every word of his 4 paragraph personality? Please spend some more time on the development of his personality. You've got a character who's a sociopath, and need to justify this.

Yes. Things got a lot longer, but I had gone light on the previous round with the expectation that more changes would be made to round out the personality and justify the sociopathic aspects of the character. The character needs some more development, to create a more dynamic personality, and build a solid origin and development for the personality.

 Kitsufox  ^{Fox's Den} 16:35, 10 December 2008 (UTC)

Check Results - 25 January 2009

PERSONALITY

• Chaos thinks rather highly of himself, and perceives most other cats as not too great, but he isn’t the type of cat to strut about saying, “I’m the greatest cat in the world, and you're just some lost little housecat!” - This sentence is run on and difficult to discern a solid meaning to. Far too many ideas about the character are attempted to be stuffed into a single sentence.
• perceives most other cats as not too great and This is because he attempts to be charismatic and friendly in his words and actions, even if he thinks the cat he's talking to is a total idiot, just to win them over. - He thinks little of other cats, yet works actively to win them over? Please justify these traits against one another.
• he also has no real reason to despise the Clans enough to attack them. - Why is this even mentioned? It seems superfluous to the personality as a whole.
• he has to stop himself from smirking - I should have said this sooner. Cats cannot smirk.
• Overall - Single Dimensional [3rd INCLUDE] - He's manipulative. He's arrogant. And nothing else. You spend two long paragraphs and have a character that's completely sociopathic and unfit for society. This is a Role Playing game, founded on character interaction. A complete sociopath is difficult to bring into the game without plotting behind it. Please either balance the character or do the plotting.

APPEARANCE

• The other part of his pelt, however, is striped ginger. - This gives the impression of ginger stripes on a white background, rather than the ginger-tabby patches I know you must be referring to.
• His eyes, as mentioned before, are a grey-green color. - They are not mentioned before.

HISTORY

• Chaos learned a lot about strategy and careful planning, as Kadir often thought out loud, but he did not learn anything about the execution of plans. - So... Kadir taught him strategy that didn't work and poor planning? The Execution is what you plan when you make a plan... if the execution failed, then the planning wasn't what one could call successful.
• as he ran into several situations when other cats threatened him where all that was needed was an innocent expression and the right words to send them whirling into a crazy plot of his. - If you're going to have something as extreme as this (A cat going from extremely hostile to friendly and on board with a lunatic scheme), you'll have to provide more details.

 Kitsufox  ^{Fox's Den} 21:59, 25 January 2009 (UTC)

24 Hour Deletion Warning

Your pending character will be deleted 24 hours following the end of your LOA on 14 March 2009 if you do not resume work or contact Kitsufox with a request for an extension.  Kitsufox  ^{Fox's Den} 15:26, 12 March 2009 (UTC)

Check Results - 10 May 2009

CONCERNS

You're asking me to let into this game a character who's manipulative, maniacal and self-centered, in addition to someone who knows the importance of a quality plan without any indication of your goals for him. Without a plot, he's basically a ticking time bomb that could go in almost any direction (He's bound to be the trigger of a plot if you play him as he's written. I'd rather we know what you have in mind rather than letting things fly by the seat of our pants). He's a character who is going to evolve into some grandiose plan, and without some indication from you (request a conference room once you have your ideas for him worked out and ready to discuss) we can't say yes. This isn't like letting a common feral into the game... This is a character who's personality deeply suggests that something will happen in his future. Everything this character does, according to the personality, is moving towards a goal (however large, or small). Without that some of those goals out in the open (Preferably all of them)... well.. I'm sure you understand the concerns.

 Kitsufox  ^{Fox's Den} 20:42, 10 May 2009 (UTC)

24 Hour Deletion Warning

Your character has been pending without edits for more than 1 week and you have not filed an {{LOA}}. Please resume editing within 24 hours (or file an LOA and contact Kitsufox) or your character will be deleted.  Kitsufox  ^{Fox's Den} 17:18, 5 June 2009 (UTC)

24 Hour Deletion Warning

Due to lack of progress on the character, it will be removed from our pending list in 24 hours if one of the following actions is not taken:

• Resume Editing
• Request transfer of the character to Userspace (Contact Kitsufox
• Request removal of character (Remove all content from the page)

 Kitsufox  ^{Fox's Den} 20:12, 14 September 2009 (UTC)