Rabbitfoot/Archive 1

Check Results - 27 May 2010

Congratulations on your first character submission and welcome to CoSC! Please don't be surprised if this seems long or detailed, as this game has standards that no other game has. You've done a very, very good job. It's completely normal to go through at least one decline round before approval, and you've got the hardest parts in already (like integrating your character well into the overall history of the game - I'm not used to fact-checking history stuff and having everything be so exacting).

PERSONALITY

• Her quick reflexes make her more nervous than most warriors, although it makes her more prepared for unexpected attacks. - Please either move this absolute statement as true by showing that the majority of warriors are less nervous than her, or alter the statement to be less absolute (as it's stated it is a mild powerplay because it forces other warriors to be less nervous than her).
• skittish nature & is unafraid of ambushes when they arrive - Isn't being afraid of surprises something that falls directly within the definition of having a skittish nature? Please explain why ambushes don't surprise her. Specifically when she's a cat too young to have been in a cat vs cat battle.
• she is more comfortable with planned battles - She falls within an age group and clan that simply hasn't seen more than the occasional bout with a rogue. She wouldn't have experience with planned battle.
• When she gets nervous about anything from the Warrior Code to her fur, she will toy with her whiskers. - I'm just not sure what "toy with her whiskers" means and would love to have you clarify it so I know. Right now my brain is producing this silly image of a cat twirling them around a claw like a man with a handlebar mustache might... and as cats physically can't do that...

APPEARANCE: Rabbitfoot is a . . . solid grey she-cat - Solid Gray is currently under a particularly heavy restriction. This means that "you must be a member in good standing with already approve characters, consistent RP activity, good RP quality, and a history with the game extending at least 6 months" to qualify for the trait. Due to the fact that you are new, you simply do not yet qualify for this trait. Please note that all gray cats are currently encompassed in this ban due to the fact that we have a major overpopulation of the gray based cats compared to other colors.

HISTORY

• Rabbitfoot was born . . . and named Rabbitkit for her skittish nature - As kittens are named the night following their birth, before they can display any discernible personality traits, please reconsider this explanation of their kitten name. Please note that we do not require that the same name starter be used through the life of the cat, as the name should reflect that cat's personality rather than an arbitrarily given name.
• He was found dead by a ThunderClan patrol after a few days, the venom from multiple adders having had enough strength to kill him. - Just a note regarding Bloodstar, and what he would have done in regards to a dead cat of another clan found in his territory. Bloodstar would not have shared the information, he would simply have ordered the body thrown into the river and disposed of. Chances are RiverClan has no idea what ever happened to Acornnose.
• Her apprentice ceremony went by without fanfare, as many cats were still falling victim of the Killingcough - I'd honestly think it would have received a ton of Fanfair. In a time when most meetings are getting called to announce new deaths, wouldn't one in which a cat is apprenticed make everyone more elated than normal?
• She tried her hardest not to draw attention to herself during these deaths, although she was frustrated that her apprentice training was put on hold - Why wouldn't her training be stepped up instead? The clan would be hard pressed and badly need every competent hunter they could get. Not another cat too old to be waited on like a kit eating prey they couldn't replace.

Great work. I look forward to the next revision.  Kitsufox  ^{Fox's Den} 11:58, 27 May 2010 (CDT)

Check Results - 4 June 2010

APPEARANCE: a long-haired light brown she-cat with white flecks - Due to the fact that we require all markings to be genetically possible a brown cat with 'white flecks' (the phrase is very ambiguous, and thus is hard to tell what it really means) is not something that a player can create. The White Marking Gene Information Page discusses the white marking gene and includes a picture about how white generally works on cats. If you have any questions before approvals on your appearance, feel free to drop me a PM.

HISTORY

• Naming - I suggest using the name of the character at the time rather than the target name of the character. It tends to improve the flow of the history greatly. This is a suggestion, however, and not a demand.
• was born . . . as Cedarkit - The name history still claims rabbitkit.
• the venom from the multiple adders that live in Sunningrocks - Sunningrocks isn't exactly known as a place for snakes... Moving water actually cools an area and makes the area less suited to snakes...

Great work. Just a handful of details that need to be dealt with.  Kitsufox  ^{Fox's Den} 11:35, 4 June 2010 (CDT)