Eaglegaze/Archive 1
From Children of StarClan
Check Results - 24 June 2010
PERSONALITY
- a calm, thoughtful cat - Powerplay. What makes up calm and thoughtful is subjective. In accordance you should describe the traits you feel give this impression, rather than just claiming the impression.
- very intelligent and clever - Powerplay. Describe the traits that give these impressions rather than claiming the impressions.
- For example, he will not attack if an apprentice has just wandered onto ShadowClan lands, but will if said apprentice is stealing prey or attacks another ShadowClan cat. - What makes an apprentice doing it so different from a warrior? And why was age mentioned at all if the actions matter more than the act of being in the clan territory?
- will fight if necessary, but does not like to injure other cats without a justified reason - Fighting is inherently violent. It is inherently intended by the clan cats to cause harm to the enemy. Theoretically wouldn't the act of engaging the other clan in battle be a "justified reason" to harm them? It seems a dubious inclusion when factored into the society where every day is life, death, and survival.
- He is incredibly devoted to ShadowClan, and puts his Clan above all else. - Just a fair warning here, we expect what is on the sheet to be played. This means that you would be expected to have him put his clan first. Even when family was concerned.
APPEARANCE
- He has a thick, nearly solid orange stripe running from the middle of his back to the base of his tail. - I've never run into a tabby marking that fits this description. Please provide photographic evidence that this variation on tabby expression is possible (be sure to include a link to the web-page that you took the image from) so that I can establish what genetic factors are involved in this. If you have further questions about this requirement, drop me a PM.
- He has 6 black whiskers and 29 white whiskers. - This is oddly specific. It should also be noted that a cat's whiskers are simply modified hairs. Not only will they reflect the pigmentation around them, but hold the potential to change in shade. This means that a cat as described, without white, would not able to possess white whiskers. Additionally, without being a Tortie, this cat cannot have black whiskers.
- He has the best and sharpest vision in ShadowClan - Powerplay. To keep this statement you must contact the players of every cat in ShadowClan and have them PM me with a statement of agreement to the statement's truth.
HISTORY
- Can't really give much input due to the amount of information still pending.
This might seem long, but by standards of a player's first characters this is rather a short list. If you have any questions what so ever simply drop me a PM and I'll do my best to answer is a clearer way. Kitsufox Fox's Den 21:34, 24 June 2010 (CDT)
Check Results - 22 July 2010
You know the drill at this point :)
PERSONALITY
- a rather calm cat, rather thoughtful, rather intelligent, quite cautious, & usually quite serious: Mild powerplaying. It's all much better, and would be great if you took out the claims entierly. It's just over the line becuase you say he "Is" things. Leave others the room to have his refusal to get excited over things be a lacking a 'sense of urgency' and the like!
APPEARANCE
- He has rather thin fur, which luckily for him grows somewhat thicker during the winter, though it is still shorter than most - Two concerns here. First is that "Thin" in regards to fur typically refers to density of hair, rather than length. So you'll want to clarify that as I think you mean that he's got a very, very short coat. And for the second part, please support the "shorter than most" statement with empirical evidence. Just drop me a PM. Also clarify if you're talking in clan all all clans.
HISTORY
- Permissions - I'm not going to comment on the permissions stuff, as I know that's still pending.