Lionfrost/1
From Children of StarClan
Check Results - 4 May 2010
Missing Template: {{Litter/details}} - This template MUST be used. The kitten should have been created using the kitten creation form, not the general creation form. Please consult the template page and ensure that it is added.
Name: Riverkit - While not explicitly stated anywhere (and I really should) the clan word (River) would not be suitable for use to name a character of that clan. This is being classed with the same idea as words like "moon" and "star" having religious significance to the group.
Personality: No Indication - Just because a firm personality has not developed does not mean traits do not exist. Please make an effort to hint at the direction you plan to take the character.
Appearance: The fur is dotted with darker navy colored spots - The word "blue" in animal descriptions does not refer to a crayola color. It's a way of saying 'gray'.
Decline #1 - Check Results for 29 November 2013
Greetings and welcome to your first go-round in our applications department! Characters ususally go through 2-4 rounds of decline and editing, so do not feel discouraged about the fact that this was declined. CoSC has diffrent rules, and a diffrent approch to Warriors than most games. The Applications Process is where new players pick up a ton of these critical details.
In the decline itself I will take the section that I have change requests for and quote it, and then describe the needed changes. (Occasionally, it's just me commenting, but those situations that don't require change will be noted in the text). If you run into any questions, please feel welcome to contact me for clarifications.
APPEARANCE: standing out against the blueness of the rest of him strikingly - While it is true that they gold of his eyes might stand out against his pelt, you cannot force others to consider it striking. It's a powerplay. (Sometime, if you get a lot of Vox Populi comments or RP stuff that shows it as true, you could include it. But until you can prove it, you can't force the opinion).
PERSONALITY
- Under the tutelage of Fernheart, & how to explain it to Fernheart - While it's not officially dealt with, I'm going to mention it here. Once he's through apps I'm going to retcon (create a retroactive continuity concerning) his mentor so you can have a played one. So be ready to change that once we settle it after approval.
HISTORY
- Length - You've not met the minimum length for an apprentice, which is "at least 2 paragraphs of at least 4 sentences each".
- Like any kit, he enjoyed life in the nursery - Powerplay. Unless you can get the players of every kit the game has ever seen to agree that their characters enjoyed life in the nursery.
- Nothing much has happened sicne, no huge events of note which Lionpaw was personally involved in - This isn't exactly true. Every cat is implicitly involved at least at the edges of anything that happens within the clan simply by virtue of the fact that they all live on top of each other. Check out the Plot Timeline. He would have been aware, as a kit, of the stresses and tension that was ongoing during the Ill Winds plot. He would have been personally effected by the events of of the Time of the Hunters (Apprentices were extremely restricted, since the otter was killing adult cats, including his own Sire!) And of course the current plot, Desperate Times has had everyone hungry for a full season. So you shouldn't have any trouble getting the history filled out a bit more, even if you just address the plots during his apprenticeship (Time of the Hunters and Desperate Times). Let me know if you have any questions about the plots that aren't addressed by the individual plot pages. Meanwhile, I'm going to put the plot index in the sidebar. It should be easier to find than it is for newbies…
This is a very, very nice start. I've had players who do severe damage to a character sheet on the first try and you've made good headway. Every hiccup seems to be mostly related to a combination of being new to CoSC and our different way of handling certain things (like powerplay). If you have any questions about the changes, please feel free to let me know. Kitsufox Fox's Den 12:41, 29 November 2013 (CST)
Approval Notes - 30 November 2013
Your character has been approved, but I have a few bits of feedback for additional tweaks you may wish to make. They just wern't significant enough to warrant a decline.
HISTORY
- the warrior-queen Icystone - This is a CoSCism, but Icystone was a Queen during her late-pregnancy and raising her kits. She returned to Warrior duties when her work as a Queen was done. Queen-only ranked cats bring nothing to the clan and waste resources in taking their leisure and leaving others to care for them. In profiles, it's generally accepted that if you mention rank in history, you use the rank they held at the time you're writing about (much like the books do). Typically the same is done for names (which you've already got).
- Desperate Times Mention - Desperate Times is just about wrapped up, and prey is running properly again. There's a thread in Game Related Chatter about it giving all of the dates (I should finish that documentation quickly).