Blackhush

Quick Suggestion from Fae

Appearance

"He appears uniform black while still, but . . ."

• The wording on this can be rather confusing, since 'while' can be used to mean different things. I think a minor change in wording would do wonders for clarifying for readers.
• May I suggest saying uniform black when still, or while he's still / not moving, etc.?  ;D
  

Fae~o~the~Wind (talk) 06:09, 16 May 2017 (UTC)

Decline #1 - Check Results - 16 May 2017

Greetings and welcome to your first go-round in our applications department! Characters usually go through 2-4 rounds of decline and editing, so do not feel discouraged about the fact that this was declined. CoSC has different rules, and a different approach to Warriors. The Apps process is where new players pick up a ton of these critical details.

In the decline itself I will take the section that I have change requests for and quote it, and then describe the needed changes. (Occasionally, it's just me commenting, but those situations that don't require change will be noted in the text). If you run into any questions, please feel welcome to contact me for clarifications.

HISTORY

• Kithoot Constitution Problems - This is a request for clarification of the cause of his constitutional difficulties. So that his ailment can be added to the game information and the long-term effects can clearly kept in mind going forward.
• what he mentally labels "The Rattler Incident" - by CoSC standards the cats don't use the term "rattlesnake". All poisonous snakes are "Adders". You could go with something in-between, such as "rattling adder" or the like, if you wanted to.
• Rattlesnake Bite - in the vein of being fair, and the fact that you want to give him a history of having survived something that's nearly un-survivable, I'd prefer to seem some sort of residual effect from the poison such a minor twitch from the mild neurological damage.

NOTES

• Blackhush's Mentor - Dustwing would work perfectly as Mentor for him.

Overall, it looks great. We'll have you approved and live, in game, ASAP.  Kitsufox  ^{Fox's Den} 21:23, 16 May 2017 (UTC)