Charredleaf

Check Results - 30 July 2010

Greetings and welcome to CoSC! I'm Kitsufox and I handle the character approvals process here. Please note that most characters go through 2-4 rounds of decline and editing prior to acceptance (some more than that). CoSC has a different take on the Warriors World, and character requirements that no other game (to our knowledge) considers standard. This can lead to a bit of a learning curve. If you end up with any questions about this decline, simply drop me a PM and we'll talk about it.

GENDER: She-cat - I'm including this because of technicality, but we talked about it in PM and the fact that this will probably be unbanned later today when I tweak things ;)

PERSONALITY

• she makes up for her lack of knowledge by her passion and loyalty to RiverClan - This runs dangerously close to powerplay, though the powerplay is a touch obscure. I suggest altering the wording to make it her opinion rather than fact, thus eliminating the risks of it forcing characters to view her a certain way.
• is as brave and valiant as any other cat, if not more - Powerplay. Braveness and Valiance are subjective and in accordance matters of opinion.
• Striving to be the first to rush out into battle and the last to retreat - This is more a comment and less a requirement, but I wanted to make sure you were aware that RiverClan has had no battles in the recent past, though her full apprenticeship. I'd have to double check, but I don't think they've been in combat since her birth.
• Badgersnout is fierce and unrelenting in her fury - Powerplay.
• Prickly and more prideful than she'd care to admit - Mild powerplay.
• Perseverance, courage, and faithfulness are her strong points - Mild powerplay. 99% of characters will agree that those are strong points, but you have to leave room for that one that doesn't.
• Her rash tendency to give little thought to danger, her cocksureness, and her pride are her weaknesses. - As above.
• Badgersnout is blunt and forceful with other cats, yet not unkind - Definite powerplay. You take away the freedom of another's character to feel that she was being unkind to them if they would be insulted or hurt by her forwardness.

APPEARANCE

• black-and-white bicolour pelt - Black based fur is currently under a Particularly heavy restriction. This means to qualify for it you must be a member in good standing with already approve characters, consistent RP activity, good RP quality, and a history with the game extending at least 6 months. Due to your freshly minted nature you are simply not eligible for the coloration. I'm sorry.
• leaving them as looking as soft and pure as fair weather cumulous clouds - Powerplay. This not only forces others to think of clouds in relation to your shorthaired cat's fur, but it forces them to think of clouds as pure.
• Her glinting orange eyes blaze a molten gold colour when angered or excited. - Gold and orange are not the same color... Mood ring eyes are not something I've ever run into in Real Life, human or otherwise.

HISTORY

• The eldest kit was an odd-eyed, completely snowy white tom-kit, named Steamkit. - This is not possible. Solid white is controlled by a dominant gene. If neither parent is solid white then it's not possible for a solid white kitten to be thrown.
• Bedraggled, weak, and sopping wet, she was carried back to RiverClan camp in shame. As punishment for leaving the safety of the nursery, Badgerkit's apprenticeship was, despite her pleas, delayed for another moon. - It was probably less punishment that kept her from punishment than illness. Inhaling water is never good for the lungs, afterall.
• an outbreak of whitecough that swept through the Clan - There was no Whitecough outbreak. I think you have misinterpreted the Moon of the Killingcough. Killingcough is a dangerous infection that kills without restriction.
• Because of a shortage of catmint, there wasn't enough of the herb to go around - Why would the shortage of an individual herb stop a competent Medicine Cat? There are other herbs to treat coughs. In fact, the Recommended treatment for Whitecough outlined in our Beginning Level Herbs MC Training Document recommends a mix of Feverfew, Catnip, Thyme and Honey. There's also the problem of such a shortage being a major clan-wide plot. One that would have caused a huge fuss IC, something that would force alterations in our history.
• While Badgerkit grew healthy once more, Splotchsky's condition worsened, and she developed greencough. The kits' mother passed into StarClan without ever seeing her kits become apprentices. - This is going to sound harsh but you would have to have the player of the MC at the time, Seafur, to give permission to have not forcibly given her herbs. Seafur, in a time when warriors were dying of Killingcough in all the clans in a steady flow, would not have permitted a warrior to die of something curable. Particularly not for the life of a kitten. What good is a kitten if no one survives to feed it and train it? The she-cat's opinion that her daughter should live would not have trumped what was best for the clan. The desires of one do not go before the good of all.
• No other cat pushed themselves as Badgerpaw did - Powerplay.
• She has proven herself to her Clan countless of times since becoming a warrior. - Powerplay. What one considers "proving herself" another might consider something else.

FAMILY MEMBERS: Sdescs Included - Short Descriptions will be provided later, though the system. In fact, if you ender Longleg properly, his will pop up on it's own. ;) Trust me. And when the character is approved we'll create short character sheets and suchlike, which will get Sdescs that will be sourced from the proper location and Splotchsky's will get sorted.

Believe it or not, you've done very well. It seems long only because there are a number of powerplay points that need work. Powerplay in character sheets is a common difficulty on the learning curve. If you have questions feel free to drop me a PM.  Kitsufox  ^{Fox's Den} 09:56, 30 July 2010 (CDT)