Frostfern/Archive 1
From Children of StarClan
Contents
24-hour Deletion Warning
Due to lack of progress your character will be deleted if you do not either resume editing or request a storage move from me. As your LOA is a partial with a fuzzy end, there is no option for it to continue collecting dust. If you have any questions, just drop me a line. Kitsufox Fox's Den 19:26, 13 November 2009 (UTC)
Check Results - 17 November 2009
PERSONALITY
- Frostfern in all honesty is a very conceited cat. She believes that she is in every way the best. - As the description you've given is not strong enough to permit a powerplay, you'll have to reword this section to leave room for alternate interpretations of the trait.
- as we know, this is a very poor personality trait - Powerplay. It is well within a players right to process a character that does not believe this is a negative trait.
- incling - Is not a word, and I'm not sure if you were shooting for 'inkling' or not.
- Frostern has a inner self that she never really shows. - The word 'never' creates this statement as an absolute. It powerplays others into an inability to be aware of this, and forces perceptive characters to never have a chance to notice it, even if she's making it obvious. Please select more flexible language. Currently the wording basically says she is incapable of showing it, even by accident.
APPEARANCE
- a cream colored cat with longhair and mocha colored splashes - A dilute calico would not be in possession of brown patches (It would be cream and gray). If you have photographic evidence to the contrary, PM me. Remember to include the source website for any pictures being presented.
HISTORY
- She was rather weak when first born and caused her parents mild worry.She was rather weak when first born and caused her parents mild worry. - What made her weak enough to worry anyone? Please clarify, as it's apparent by the rest of the sheet that she's got no lasting impact from what was something potentially impairing if it worried cats.
- Missing Year - Your character is 23 moons of age, and yet the history ends at 12 moons. Please provide information for the missing year.
FAMILY MEMBERS
- Sire: Silverlark - The name Silverlark is already being used by a RiverClan She-cat and is ineligible to be used again.
- Dame: Minnietear - While Minnie appears in the diction, you'll notice it's listed as "Informal Language". This means that it's slang and not acceptable for use in a character name. Additionally, as cats do not cry, tear is also inappropriate.
As always, questions and comments can be sent my way.
Check Results - 25 November 2009
PERSONALITY
- This is a very poor personality trait - Powerplay.
HISTORY
- Not much has happened in her short time as a warrior, but she looks forward to any challenges that will come her way. - This is such a blatant cop-out that it's completely incorrect. The last 13 moons of her life have included the Plot Wings of Death and the tail end of Rise of the Killer.
Check Results - 28 November 2009
APPEARANCE
- tabi - Tabi are a specific sort of sock popular in Japan to wear with sandals. Tabby is the cat pattern.
- the underside of her fur is a very light gray with a slight mixture of white fur running through the design - Please clarify.
Check Results - 29 November 2009
APPEARANCE: Her chest is white, and the underside of her fur is a very light gray with a slight mixture of white fur running through the tiger stiped design on her stomach. - I'm still not sure I'm clear on what markings your going for. The specific point I'm not clear on is the "slight mixture of white fur". Please be as clear as you possibly can with your language. Fuzzy phrasings like "slight mixture" make it hard for me to know what you mean (It's probably perfectly clear in your head, but you have the mental picture, not me).