Otterpelt/1

Decline #1: Check Results for 26 January 2013

Greetings and welcome to your first go-round in our applications department. Please note that almost every character ends up going thru around 2-4 rounds of decline and editing. Do not feel discouraged by this as it's perfectly ordinary and a part of the process of a new user learning the ropes at CoSC. We have a lot of views that are unlike many games, and a number of rules interpretations that are different than what is typical. In the decline itself I will take the section that I have change requests for and quote it, and then describe the needed changes. (Occasionally, it's just me commenting, but those situations will be clearly marked). If you run into any questions, please feel welcome to contact me for clarifications.

PERSONALITY

• is a boisterous, courteous, and curious member of RiverClan & can be brash and headstrong when he feels his back is to the wall - Powerplays. You cannot tell other people how to interpret your character, instead focus on what you feel gives these impressions and leave room for various characters to put their own spin on him. Check out The Powerplaying Help File for more in depth explanations.
• He is unusual even amongst RiverClan cats for the amount of time he spends in the water. - Because you're stating an absolute, I'll have to ask you to prove it before I let it through apps. You can PM me your research that verifies that he is, in fact, unusual amoungst his clan.

APPEARANCE

• His fur is unusually dense - Once again I have to ask you to prove that the word "Unusual" is the truth against the living members of his clan.
• He can also pack a powerful punch with claws unsheathed - Just a note really, but the strength of his blows without claws are irrelevant. Soft paws are saved for training with clanmates only. Claws are always used here on the enemy in a fight.
• so he is still not a cat to take lightly in battle. - Powerplay.

HISTORY

• The loudest and most vocal of the kits in the nursery & was easily labeled as the rowdiest of the kits born that season, or even seasons before then - Looking at RiverClan By Age Including Living & Dead Cats. This means you'll need permission from the players of Charredleaf, Walnutfall, Crimsonback, Cardinalflight, Rabbitfoot, Bluepool, Duckfeather, Heronflight, Strongheart, Smallkit and Fernheart to keep that statement (because it is a powerplay that forces others to have their characters have been a certain way). Walnutfall, in particular, is a cat whom I think would given open competition to his status, and with the fact that Otterpelt was the youngest of the crowded nursery of that era… Well… There's a ton of people to ask. I'll give permission for Duckfeather (my character) to have been quieter. She was never much of a yowler.
• Escapes from the nursery were not uncommon for this kit - Given that the era had many Queens in the nursery, who would all be helping watch all the kits (up until the point when Foxpoppy spazed and refused to have her kits around Newheart), there would have been Swanfeather, Heatherstorm, Foxpoppy, Hailfur, Newheart and Splotchsky all squeezed in the den in the rabbit warren. I doubt any kit got very far, in all honesty, with that many eyes to watch them.
• It was a surprise to everyone, even his own mother, when Sablekit became Sablepaw during his sixth moon. Surely a scamp such as him would of been held back until he could be more mature and level-headed? - Actually, there are cases at this game where kittens are apprenticed a moon early if they're particularly rambunctious, with the idea that a moon working in camp on things like the code and the "book" learning required of a warrior will help keep them out of trouble rather than keeping their mother in the nursery. 6 month old kittens are rather physically mature. You might want to discuss with… **checks the Clan Leader History Wetfur's player (technically me) about how the character would have felt about the matter of Sablekit's apprenticing date.
• That earned himself Elder duty for a month. - How is this a punishment? All of the apprentices share the care of the elders while they're training. This would be a punishment for a warrior, but not an Apprentice. More likely that he would have been given uninteresting work like standing sentry for the Medicine Cat while they look for herbs and other boring tasks. Also, in clan time a moon is a very long time. Particularly for such a minor offense as screwing up a hunt as an apprentice.
• "Duck-bottom" was a nickname the other apprentices teased him with - They have players, meaning this is a powerplay and you have to have the others agree to it.
• The day for his final assessment drew nearer. Along with the other apprentices in training, he was taken out into the territory where the rules were explained to him. The assessment was simple: hunt for the Clan while the mentors tracked and watched to see how each apprentice did. - CoSC's assessment process is more complicated than the books. Hunting alone is not enough to pass it. They are expected to pass three separate tests. The first is the evaluation of their understanding of the Warrior's Code. Then is the hunting evaluation (what you described), and finally they are required to prove themselves as fighters. While they don't have to be stellar at everything, they must prove at least "acceptable" at all of the major warrior tasks.
• Diving in, he spent the rest of his assessment fishing for the largest fish he could find. - In general, fishing isn't done by diving it. Cats would never manage to catch anything this way. CoSC considers proper technique to be sitting on the bank, then reaching in to snag the fish.
• When the Otter struck RiverClan - Just a comment! Kudos for brining current events into your history! I love it when people use our history.

Great work! No mistakes are major (and none are outside of the normal learning hiccups of someone adapting to CoSC's unique take on the warriors world). I look forward to seeing the next draft! Remember, any questions feel free to ask away.  Kitsufox  ^{Fox's Den} 08:50, 26 January 2013 (CST)